Saturday, September 10, 2005

One Night at the Call Center...



When the city dozes off at night.... a small section of the city starts working.... No..no.. I am not talking about the FBI.... the secret agents... the terrorists..or the Gurkhas.... I am talking about a new generation of youngsters who work in the call centers.....

Working in the call centers implies working with the overseas clients.... the work pressure is high..and the probability of losing your cool inversely proportional to the IQ level of the person on the other side of the call... I would like to describe one of the interesting conversations that took place when I was working in a call center....

Note: All the names have been changed to protect identity and embarrassment

Me: Hello, my name is Denzil. I am a help desk engineer for Microsoft process. How may I assist you?

Julia: Hi.... I am unable to hear any audio on my computer. I don't know what the problem is....

Me: Thank you for describing me the issue, Julia. Before we proceed to resolve this issue, can I ask you a few questions?

Julia: Oh Sure, Denzil. Ask me what you want to.

Me: Thank you Julia. Can you tell me since when are you facing this issue?

Julia: It happened right after I installed that damn SP2.

Me: Okay, Julia, it seems that your sound drivers are not updated. We need to update them.

Julia: Okay, lets do it.

Me: So Julia, do you have the audio driver CD with you right now?

Julia: I think I do. Just wait a sec till I get them.

Me: Sure, Julia.

(After 2 mins)

Julia: I got them. Can you tell me where do we insert the CDs in the computer?

(I was shocked... What???? She doesn't know where to insert the CDs.... or is she kidding???)

Me ( with a puzzled look and tone) : Julia, do you see the CD-ROM in the tower? (A Tower is the CPU cabinet)

Julia: No. What do you mean by that?

Me (confused like a kid in the streaptease bar): Okay, Julia. Do you see a small push-button on the tower? when you click that, a tray is ejected. This tray is the CD-ROM.

Julia (in an icy cool tone): Oh.... I know this Denzil.

Me (letting out a sigh of relief): So we need to put the audio driver CD in this tray.

Julia (with arogance): I can't do this Denzil. I can't.

Me (with WTF look on my face) : May I know the reason, Julia?

Julia (in a cute childish tone): That is because it is my Coffee Cup holder.

Me (banging my head on the wall): SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Russ : rofl =))
btw denzi u robbed this post title from chetan bhagwat ka next book title na :P

tabs said...

gosh that was really funny!

Anonymous said...

Hey Denzi.......i took some time 2 completely go thru d entire blog (4 d first time... yeah i know strange n stupid)...n there is jus one word man.. "AWESOME" . 'keep up d good work dude !!!

Anonymous said...

hey Denz i would also like to share some experiences in a technical call center..... i recieved it in e-mails.....

This lady had a problem with her computer she complained that it wasnt booting up.
The screen would not come up. When asked if there is any "floppy inside", here's what she replied

"there is no floppy inside but there is a sticker that says INTEL INSIDE"........

This helped to know ,how technically inclined the lady was........

Next when asked to open the CPU to check if any of the internal cabling was loose...she said that
there is no CPU....she complained that she did not receive the CPU and was not aware how it looks
like or what it does......She kept saying that the company had only sent her a monitor, keyboard,
mouse and a modem

(There are some who call CPU as modem ; the worst are those who call it as coffee cup holder).......

Here the tech came to know that she called her cpu as "modem"

He had to ask her to get a PHILLIPS screwdriver (make a note tech had to mention PHILLIPS

screwdriver).......


Later after making some reconnections and then trying to restart the computer again for nearly 5th time.....Again no response.......


This lady was now irate and started swearing.....While doing so she said that for past three hours there is no power in her house and to top them all the computer that was sent did not boot properly..........

This a was a real challenge for the tech to convince this lady that computers work only when there is power supplied to it.......

Frodo Baggins said...

lol. My brother knew that when he was only 5 years old!

Anonymous said...

hey frodo is my fav character

Kanchan said...

Hi.
Here are some more funny instances...

1. Tech: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: Ok.
Tech: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.

2. Customer: I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.
Tech: Did you install the update?
Customer: No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?

3. Customer: I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.
Tech: Tell me what you've done.
Customer: I typed 'A:SETUP'.
Tech: Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.
Customer: It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.
Tech: Insert the MS Word setup disk.
Customer: What?
Tech: Did you buy MS word?
Customer: No...

4. Tech: Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

5. Tech: What type of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.

6. Tech: Type 'A:' at the prompt.
Customer: How do you spell that?

7. Tech: What's on your screen right now?
Customer: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.

8. Tech: What operating system are you running?
Customer: Pentium.


9. Customer: My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion.


10. Customer: How do I print my voicemail?


11. Tech: Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?

12. Tech: I need a product identification no: right
now and may I help u in finding it out?
Customer: Sure
Tech: Could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Customer: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

13. A computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
Customer: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later...

Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later, customer calls back...

Customer: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
Customer: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

Kanchan said...

Hi.
Here are some more funny instances...

1. Tech: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: Ok.
Tech: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.

2. Customer: I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.
Tech: Did you install the update?
Customer: No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?

3. Customer: I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.
Tech: Tell me what you've done.
Customer: I typed 'A:SETUP'.
Tech: Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.
Customer: It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.
Tech: Insert the MS Word setup disk.
Customer: What?
Tech: Did you buy MS word?
Customer: No...

4. Tech: Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

5. Tech: What type of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.

6. Tech: Type 'A:' at the prompt.
Customer: How do you spell that?

7. Tech: What's on your screen right now?
Customer: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.

8. Tech: What operating system are you running?
Customer: Pentium.


9. Customer: My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion.


10. Customer: How do I print my voicemail?


11. Tech: Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?

12. Tech: I need a product identification no: right
now and may I help u in finding it out?
Customer: Sure
Tech: Could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Customer: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

13. A computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
Customer: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later...

Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later, customer calls back...

Customer: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
Customer: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

Anonymous said...

chal aye pheku, kuch bhi kya

Anonymous said...

andy: poda!!! saala copy kiya hua joke marta hai..
&)%^*(&%^*%..
by they way.. some of the shit ive had to encounter with at spectra and dell was far more hilarious and silly compared to this... but the less said about it the better...:|

REN3D said...

Haha..that's funny. Any more stories???

DENZIL said...

Hey man.... This is real... no kidding.... I have even encountered more funnier and sillier incidents than this one .... One of the customer even claimed that she was Julia Roberts herself... and asked me to hurry up...as she had to rush for her shoot...

White Forest said...

its really funnny to read..but since I am from the same background ....I know how it is when we are on call :D